When a man or woman plans to marry, they usually imagine how wonderful to be with loved ones at any time. Women and men can share love, romance, intimacy, and passion every time they wanted unhindered by time and distance again. Yes, this is absolutely true, especially in the first days of married life began. How wonderful when you wake up in the morning, finding loved ones on your side smiling spread love. Wow, I really like to imagine that moment. Bathing together with a sprinkling of roses or having candlelight dinner.
But what begins in 7 days, 30 days, 90 days, or 360 days after the wedding is over? Is a married couple still always showered with a sprinkling of roses? Does a married couple still give each other a kiss when wake up in the morning? Or is there a candlelight dinner? Ironically, most couples had left the romantic activities like that ever since the fourth day of married life began. And when the romantic activities that have been abandoned, some reality in married life began to enter into marriage and even control the couple and the marriage itself. The facts were coming to attack even when the husband or wife is not ready mentally to deal with or resolve it. So that stress and depression begins to attack the husband and wife. And romantic activities that have been done in the first days of married life soon replaced with the situation emotionally draining and sometimes marital relationship becomes tenser. Flirting replaced with debate. Loving caress replaced with anger.
Therefore, it is recommended to every woman and man who plans to marry in order to attend premarital classes. In these classes, men and women can find out some facts in married life, especially some of the problems that occurred in the first year of marriage. So that, men and women can be better prepared when these issues arise and act immediately to resolve these issues and avoiding the relationship of husband and wife and also children becomes inharmonious.
Generally there are some problems that have appeared in the first year of marriage, such as:
- Defining Roles in marriage.
Marriage is an organization formed by several individuals who each have a role in running the wedding. Marriage would be well if every individual in a marriage perform their respective roles well and help each other in carrying out the role. Thus, if there are individuals who do not carry out the role properly or no role in marriage or unwilling to help another individual in performing his/her role, the marriage will easily disintegrate in the absence of unity among individuals. And when problems strike the marriage, it would be difficult to join forces in solving the problems that struck the marriage.
That is why it is recommended that a husband and wife can immediately determine their respective roles in the marriage even since the first day of marriage. Husband and wife must specify that act as workers, the financial manager, caretaker, housekeeper and kitchen, cooking, mechanics, etc… And each role should be carried out with responsibility. However, between husband and wife still have to cooperate in carrying out any role. Husband should help his wife carry out its role and instead wife should help her husband in their role. So the husband and wife know everything in their marriage.
- Financial Problems.
Finance is one aspect that is very sensitive in a marriage. Many marriage problems come from bad financial problems. If finances are planned and implemented, the financial problems can be avoided.
Because of that, the husband and wife should be together in establishing a financial budget wedding, from the budget set daily necessities, insurance, savings, home loans or car loans, helping finance of parents or in-laws, children’s education, recreation, fashion, and other more. Finance in marriage should be run based on the budget that has been set together. And spouses must also have trust that their partner will run marriage finances well. However, husband or wife should not be abusing the trust their spouse. Often a husband provides financial assistance to his parents without known by his wife, or vice versa. Or husband likes to gamble so spending money and damaging financial budget set. Or a wife shopping for clothes or an expensive purse her husband without known, resulting in a marriage finances devastated. And the result of deviant behavior as it is the emergence of debt that often destroys a marriage.
So, when a man believes that his wife would use the money for things that are necessary and in accordance with the financial budget is set, then the wife should use her money as expected. And also when a wife believes that her husband will not use the money for things that are not necessary, then the husband should also use his wife’s money as expected. And a husband or wife should never lie about finances in marriage. All things above recommended doing to save a marriage from squalor and poverty.
- Maintaining a good relationship with in-laws.
When a woman married, she is not only bound to her husband. And when a man married, is not only bound by his wife. However, he or she will be bound by their family-in-laws. Yes, it is very wonderful to have additional family other than immediate family. The existence of family-in-law can also give a lot of help, such as when a husband or wife is ill, giving birth, or keeping the kids while husband and wife to a party. And family law can also be a peacemaker when a husband or wife arguing or fighting. And many more benefits from the existence of family-in-law. However, the presence of family law often becomes a threat or a source of trouble in the marriage. Often husband and wife argue when husband or wife helps the finance of their family without known by their spouse.
Therefore, it is recommended that husband and wife set limits where their families can be involved in the marriage. Never let the family-in-law dominate your marriage. But, connect well with the family-in-law and keep obeying the limits that have been established with your spouse for things that should not be interfered with by the family-in-law to the marriage.
- Having fun.
Everyone has a different way of having fun. There are people who have fun with the way traveling, shopping, gambling, or just reading a book. And in general, fun activities always use the money. Likewise in marriage, husband and wife are encouraged to express in their own way to have fun. Perhaps wife likes shopping and husband likes traveling. So, she should know her husband’s ways to have fun, conversely husband must also know his wife’s ways to have fun. And the most important thing to be discussed is how to control themselves in the ways of having fun. Do not spend money, time, and effort just for having fun. Because the bad attitude in spending money for having fun will raise bad financial condition of marriage. So, keep trying to talk about things in having fun and spending time with your spouse in romantic, lovely, and fun ways.
- Sex and Romance.
Sex is one of the most important things in a marriage than financial. When we can be perfect in the financial but not taking care of sex properly, then the marriage is said to be unhealthy. Every women and men have different ways of sex. So, the husband needs to know what his wife wanted in making love. So even, the wife needs to know what kind of style that her husband wants in making love.
Tell your spouse everything you want in a making love honestly. And keep finding out all things your spouse want you to do in a making love. Intimacy should also remain be preserved not only in sex. Keep take the time for dating with family, watching a movie, dinner, or on vacation together at the beach without the child and other family members. Generally, men also like to be pampered and cared for by his wife. So, when wife is always providing a special time with her husband, the husband will feel very appreciated and loved by his wife. So that love will remain strictly between husband and wife.
- Planning to have children.
In the first year of marriage, the husband and wife often debate about the plan to have children, when to have children and how many children are planned to have. The debate that often happens is, when a husband wants to have a cute baby, his wife does not agree because she was not ready to have a baby caused by still being busy as a worker, physically not able to take care of the baby, or the wife was not ready for additional costs to provide baby supplies. Or when the wife so wanted the laughter and cries of a baby, the husband does not agree to have children soon because husband still wants to live alone with his wife without disturbance of a child. In the first year of marriage, make an agreement with your spouse about when to have children and how many children will be owned. Reassure your partner that the presence of a child will make a husband and wife relationship more closely, because the husband and wife have a shared responsibility to provide the best to the child and raising children. The presence of a child will also make the marriage more lively and cheerful.